WOW Talks had the pleasure of catching up with a woman who tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant for five years, until one day a miracle happened. She gives the credit to letting go, accepting and living in gratitude. Here is her story.
WOW Talks: When did you first start trying to get pregnant?
We tried for the first time five years ago. We thought that thirty-five would be a good time. I became pregnant rather quickly however I had an ectopic pregnancy, meaning the egg was caught in the Fallopian tube which can be life threatening. It can grow and create severe bleeding which can be deadly. I was then operated on to remove the fetus. Needless to say, this experience was very scary and put a halt on us trying for six months, as I needed time to come to terms with what happened and forget the dreadful ordeal.
WOW Talks: Tell us about your other pregnancy attempts, and how you and your husband reacted to their lackluster results.
When we started trying again, I was very self-conscious about getting pregnant and wanting it to happen again quickly. It actually did happen fast but I was pregnant for a few weeks and had a miscarriage. Take three took a few months but this time it was the perfect one according to my doctor. However at nine weeks we saw no heartbeat and needed to remove the foetus with an operation. We were heartbroken as we thought that it would be all fine. We had no negative thoughts and were just really sad that I was no longer pregnant.
I would say that after that experience, I became obsessed with wanting to become pregnant. Every month I would check my ovulation chart and be active no matter what. My husband even flew to meet me when I was on a business trip to not miss any ovulation time. The more we tried, the more obsessed, the more the months were passing by and nothing … I tried ovulation kits, various techniques and nothing happened for two years.
WOW Talks: When did you pursue IVF and how was this experience for you?
At age thirty-nine, we decided to give it a last try via IVF. It was the worst experience ever. Boosting my system with tons of hormones was awful. What many woman dont’ know is that IVF is like creating advanced menopause and then boosting again with hormones to try and get pregnant. First you take hormones to shut down your system and then you pick it up again. For me it was the rollercoaster ride to hell. I was swollen with water retention and depressed becuase my hormones were going crazy. The end result was positive but a few days later I had heavy bleeding which caused me to lose it once again.
WOW Talks: What caused you to decided to give up trying with IVF?
After I lost the last pregnancy, I knew I never wanted to use IVF ever again, and therefore our trying to get pregnant would effectively end. I was tired of being depressed every month when I got my period. Also, after visiting many kinds of fertility clinics, no doctor could really identify what was happening and why we had such a difficult time. IVF was a choice because my biological clock was ticking and I needed to act fast, but it didn’t help much.
WOW Talks: When did you start to accept your situation?
A doctor told us something that changed my perception. He said that not having children is very sad and difficult but it isn’t a tragedy like having an accident aned being paralysed for example. I gave that lots of thought and slowly changed my attitude. I also read a book written by Randine Lewis titled The Fertile Soul. She states that all women are fertile but we have blockages and she also said that we can give birth to so many things like creating and helping others. Having children is only one of the forms of giving birth to something. She also says that the chldren we have are not ours, that they come to us but then we must let them go, so they are not our possession.
WOW Talks: How did you shift your attitude, on a practical level?
I started focusing on the positive, as I didn’t want to be sad. I embraced my period every month. I let go of the thought of having babies and just assumed it wasn’t meant to be. I accepted it and didn’t fight it. I didn’t swim against the current and decided to go with the flow, and be happy with what I have, to live in gratitude. Three months later I didn’t get my period and thought I must be very ill. Never expect the unexpected, but little did I know that there was a six-week-old life growing inside of me.
WOW Talks: Do you think that you got pregnant because you finally relaxed?
Sometimes I still can’t believe it. I let go and I think that the pressure easing off helped my body to reach a state of calm, and sent a signal that I was ready to be pregnant. After reading a lot about fertility, you realise what a mystery it is. even doctors can’t explain why a woman suddenly becomes pregnant after such struggles.
WOW Talks: What was it like for you, after five years of trying, when you really and truly gave up?
It was like gaining my liberty and freedom again. To embrace the situation was like a heavy stone falling off my back. I looked at what we had instead of what we lacked. However this feeling can’t be forced upon you. I think one must really go through the emotional experience to come to that final conclusion. I would love to help women understand that they should not let themselves be pressured. We have so many roles that society expects us to fulfill. We should concentrate our energies on who we are and what we want and how we can achieve those goals by believing in our power to change to live the life we want. That also means not expecting to have it all, and to look at the glass half full.
WOW Talks: Do you have any words of wisdom for women out there trying to get pregnant?
Getting pregnant, like all things we want in life, happens when we are more relaxed and confident. Only then can we achieve our goals. We must also be patient. I think of meeting my husband and certain professional achievements that happened in the same fashion. We have to let go.